Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
