my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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