Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The Olympian is in my bed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
