just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Someone stole a lamp last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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