We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
