Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
