happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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