State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
