He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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