So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
