when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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