playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
