So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
