Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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