actually, I'm a sock model
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
