ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
