I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
