He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
