a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
