My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
