Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
