I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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