You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
