i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
