I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Couch. On fire.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
