capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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