I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
