dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
