Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
