Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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