I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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