he thought i was a dude.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
