Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
