i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just want nice things and good sex
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
