I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
