At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
