Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
