and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
