I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
