he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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