I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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