also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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