Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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