Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
