chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
