I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
