Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
