Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Houston, we have a blender
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
