its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There r osticjed everywhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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