I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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